you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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