I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
