I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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