you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
