did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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