I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
