Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
