we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
