Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Fuck appropriateness.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
