why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
