we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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