Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize