Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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