just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
