u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
