May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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