Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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