I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
