I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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