I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
