he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
