i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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