you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
