wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
