This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We had to coat check the pizza.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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