My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
