Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
