So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
