low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
