So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
