i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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