five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
