so explain again why im purple
no
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize