Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
