you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
