omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I am naked and annoyed.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
