I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize