New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
