the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
