Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
