We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
