how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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