I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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