i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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