is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
