Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
