i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
