mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
