I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
