I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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