We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
