The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He better not be in your backpack
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
