TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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