So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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