Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
