:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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