i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
