Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
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