We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
