one might say we're banned from that church
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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