im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
