i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
