i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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