so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
