I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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