I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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