so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
