It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
