She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
