nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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