why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
now i know why i became what i already was.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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