Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
