i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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