My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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