And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
