Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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