Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
