I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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