there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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