just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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